Read along, here is the actual awesome document from the day!
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin [or by the hair upon their face,] but by the content of their character” [quote] “Protecting the right of, and fighting discrimination against mustached Americans by promoting the growth care and culture of the mustache.” [end quote] This is the motto of the infamous American Mustache Institute who has been battling the stereotypes that have accompanied the mustache since the glory years of the 1970s – the peak of mustache acceptance – in addition to leading the fight to create a climate of acceptance, understanding, flavor saving, and upper lip warmth for all mustached Americans alike.
Therefore: my partner and I stand firmly RESOLVED: That the United States federal government should substantially reform its revenue generation policies.
TOPICALITY
definitions
Mustache: The hair growing on the human upper lip, especially when cultivated and groomed.
Free online dictionary 2012
Shampoo: Any of various liquid or cream preparations of soap or detergent used to wash the hair and scalp
Free online dictionary 2012
INHERENCY
The Stache act is not supported by any representatives and will not pass on its own
Mustache Act puts Roscoe Bartlett in hairy situation ASSOCIATED PRESS | 2/29/12
"For the record: Roscoe is pro-stache, but he does not believe Americans should pay for people's personal grooming decisions," Bartlett's chief of staff, Deborah Burrell, said in a statement.
So far, no other representatives have supported the mustache proposal.
HARMS
HARM 1 mustache care products are expensive
Beard’s are costly to maintain. These are just a few of the expenses one must pay in order to maintain a soft yet full face of hair. [QUOTE]
$12.50
$29.95
BLUE BEARD "Wonder Beard" Conditioner
$19.95
$12.95
$37.50
$22.50
[endquote] In this economy, Americans are struggling to make ends meet. It is the duty of the government to help it’s people by providing tax breaks for the basic necessities of life.
Harm 2.
The high prices of mustache care products plunged the United States into the recession
Santorum: High gas prices caused recession February 27, 2012
Rick Santorum said Monday that high gas [mustache shampoos, mustache conditioners, mustache combs, and mustache trimmer] prices sapped homeowners' ability to pay their mortgages and plunged the United States into recession, a far different reading of the causes of the recession than that of the economists who studied the crisis.
“Long ago U.S. citizens [are] tired of being called ‘Ugly Americans,’[.] along with our scientific analysis, demonstrated that good-looking mustaches increase good looks by 38 percent. But those good looks come at a price — in the form of purchasing mustache trimmers, wax, coloring products and bacon. Now it’s the government’s turn to support our economic needs.”
PLAN
Agency: Congress and the President
Mandates: 1. pass the Stimulus To Allow Critical Hair Expenses, AKA the STACHE Act ($250 tax breaks to those who choose to grow a mustache)
Enforcement: The United States Government
Funding: normal budgetary means
Timeline: immediately
The affirmative reserves the right to clarify the plan as needed.
All laws or parts of laws in conflict with this plan are repealed
ADVANTAGES
Advantage 1
Mustached Americans should be given deductions
Dr.John Yeutter, Ph.D., CFP®, Associate Professor of Accounting and Tax Policy at Northeastern State University
the STACHE Act would provide up to a $250.00 annual tax refund for Mustached Americans...“Given the clear link between the growing and maintenance of mustaches and incremental income … mustache maintenance costs qualify for and should be considered as a deductible expense …,” Dr. Yeutter wrote. All Americans are invited to participate in perhaps the most important movement in the history of movements – to help ensure for the fair taxation of Mustached Americans Dr. Aaron Perlut of the American Mustache Institute adds that mustaches also make a gentleman 38% more attractive.
Which leads me into my 2nd advantage.
Advantage 2 The economy will improve
A. Better looking men are good for the economy
Md Congressman Denies Support For Mustache Tax Credit Feb 29, 2012 WUSA9.com
People who support the tax break-- and the Million Mustache March planned for April 1st 2012 -- argue that better looking men are good for the American economy. "I don't think the government does enough to help mustached men," said Maryland Del. Curt Anderson.
B. Tax breaks are good for the economy
in the past, tax breaks and extra deductions have created jobs and stimulated the economy. We can expect the same results upon the passing of the Stache act
Economy turned around within months of full enactment
The Heritage Foundation “Morning Bell: The Truth About Tax Cuts” June 2011
At Congress’ insistence, the tax relief was initially phased in over many years, so the economy continued to lose jobs. In 2003, realizing its error, Congress made the earlier tax relief effective immediately. Congress also lowered tax rates on capital gains and dividends to encourage business investment, which had been lagging. It was then that the economy turned around. Within months of enactment, job growth shot up, eventually creating 8.1 million jobs through 2007.
Given that there is a major harm in the status quo and that our plan will both help the economy and increase the amount of handsome bacon loving men in the country it is clear that the Stache act ought to be put in place in order to gain these substantial advantages.
Annnnddd here is the debate.
Enjoy!
Annnddd Rebuttals
It. Was. Fun!
